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This thread is hillarious! Seriously but... Why the f**k would that red head chick need cake while she was in the act! :o Something suss :P

 

Mate of mine started smsing some chic he found via some vodafone chat room thing. He get her to send through a couple of pictures and he thought she looked alright so after talking on the phone a couple of times they decide to meet up.

 

He picked her up from her house and she proceeded to tell him she's 19 and not 21 like she said, has 2 kids under 2 years of age and her ex just got out of prison for aggravated assault. Then she turns, looks him dead in the eye and says "sorry, I'm on my rags but we can still root if you want." He drove her straight home, dropped her off at the end of her driveway in the rain and never spoke to her again. :lol:

 

Ha ha omg thats f**king hillarious. If she was serious, what a bogan! But I'd tend to agree with Chappy... she didn't find your mate attractive so decided to turn him off :P And it seems like it worked :P

 

And Dan.. you are so cruel! :angry:

 

:lol:

 

I had a bad blind date once.

 

went to this guys house. swam in his pool and then he offered me a shower in his room - massive room - walk in wardrobe in bathroom in front of the shower - and shower has no screen or door etc. ( I showered on my own - but yes - put on show just in case there were video cameras in halogen lights above shower etc....lol) So cranked up the water - and next minute the fkn shower head flys from horizontal to verticle and sprays the entire walk in robe of clothes infront of me!! I nearly died. It was like slow motion - hand on tap of shower to crank up water pressure - I notice the water now not on my head but gushing behind me (as I am facing the wall looking at the tap while making water faster) - I look up and gasp "oh f**k!" as I turn around to see what the water is actually wetting I see his designer collection being drenched by the erect shower head!!! I didn't know wat to do! - Then brain wave - "toiletpaper!" so got toilet paper and tried to blot the clothes dry! Gave up when the paper started to stick to his suits looking like lint or a tissue had gone through wash. I thought maybe they will dry b4 he goes to wear them....then thought nup, I cant look him in the eyes without giggling....so just came out with it....I said "babe, um, ur shower is fukd hey..." He said "oh really, what do you mean?" looking puzzled. I said "well when you turn it on it flys up vertilce against the wall....and um....." and he says "and um what Kali?" I replied with my face all scrunched up and head kind of down and coy "well and um can you believe it, it sprayed your fkn closet!" He didnt believe me! So we had to go up and check it all out! I was so embarrassed. He said "it never does that to me! He is probably thinking how hard did this chick turn on the shower - fark! Like - he was prob thinking I used it as a spa jet substitute!!........lol! Yeah, so after that I said "Oh my god, is that the time, shit! I am late for my 3 O'clock appointment - I really have to go, its been a great day - I'll call YOU soon!"

 

Ha ha.. you are SO loving this thread arent you :P Welcome to Off Topic btw :)

 

Good story... I lol'ed... but I can imagine how bad it was...I would have felt TERRIBLE! Did you ever call him? :P He didn't seem too upset from the way you typed it lol.

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That's cos she felt sorry for him and gave up a little bootay!! ;)

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where has chedder gone???? i wanna hear some more of her storys

 

kali welcome to the off topic crew :)

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WHo is Kemp? Find him. Who has a fat chick fettish?

 

i wanna make some thing clear

 

I do not have a fat chick fettish

i had a fat chick on my things to do list

 

both are 2 different things!!!

 

i didnt do it for enjoyment i done it for some thing different

 

and now thats its out of my system i wont be doing it ever again

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Hahahahaha... Yes its crawl but they will deserve it..

 

Ive got an update on the plan. This is great....

 

My sister finds a guy from adelaide (should be a good looking guy) on a chat site, and starts chatting to him. She has lived in Adelaide all her life before she moved so she still knows adelaide like the back of her hand. She gets close and personal with him, so he wants to meet up with her. Meanwhile, she has sent his photos and personal details/charactaristics onto me (which I will then forward onto my 'team members'), and we will use this guys photo and details and pose as him while finding/chatting to unsuspecting girls (prefrebly bottom of the gene pool).

 

We then all organise a time to meet up with these girls, and my sister organises with this guy to meet up. This will be all at the same time of course. So this guy will go along (say down the bay) to meet my sister (which will have no intention of wanting to meet with him), as will all these girls. They will be looking for him, he will be looking for my sister. They will approach him and say Hi. He wont know whats going on. They will get angry at him because he is dennying talking to them. And a big shit fight will happen :D

 

Soo... Who is in? Im thinking a couple of girls per person to 'tune'.

 

I cant believe I want to do this, its sooo mean yet so funny!

 

HAHAHAHA!!!... sadistic f**k!!!LOL

 

do it, and some one video it, for me to watch... i love drama...

haha, dont worry, i plan on filming it, hopefully we can get a few cameras to capture the action :D

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WHo is Kemp? Find him. Who has a fat chick fettish?

 

i wanna make some thing clear

 

I do not have a fat chick fettish

i had a fat chick on my things to do list

 

both are 2 different things!!!

 

i didnt do it for enjoyment i done it for some thing different

 

and now thats its out of my system i wont be doing it ever again

 

 

lol that was the funniest story i ever heard LOL

 

sure kemp its really out of ur system ;)^_^

 

 

but seriously guys we all have to do the fatty at some point in our lives, :rolleyes:

 

like back when i was in hi school i had this blind date with this chick from msn, saw her pic and wasnt too bad, so we met up and were going to a movie,

 

i thought to my self i only saw a pic of her face and not her bod so i sat way from our meet up point, she rang me but i luckly had my phone on silent, so i didnt answer and of course she turned out to be a chunky monkey.

 

she rang me again and i thought to my self f**k it! why did i do it?:doh:

 

and smashed her in the cinema

 

it was a low but it was on my to do list :P:lol:

 

 

1.f**k viet chick

2. f**k fat chick

3. f**k chick in cinema

 

 

LOL

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Hahahahaha... Yes its crawl but they will deserve it..

 

Ive got an update on the plan. This is great....

 

My sister finds a guy from adelaide (should be a good looking guy) on a chat site, and starts chatting to him. She has lived in Adelaide all her life before she moved so she still knows adelaide like the back of her hand. She gets close and personal with him, so he wants to meet up with her. Meanwhile, she has sent his photos and personal details/charactaristics onto me (which I will then forward onto my 'team members'), and we will use this guys photo and details and pose as him while finding/chatting to unsuspecting girls (prefrebly bottom of the gene pool).

 

We then all organise a time to meet up with these girls, and my sister organises with this guy to meet up. This will be all at the same time of course. So this guy will go along (say down the bay) to meet my sister (which will have no intention of wanting to meet with him), as will all these girls. They will be looking for him, he will be looking for my sister. They will approach him and say Hi. He wont know whats going on. They will get angry at him because he is dennying talking to them. And a big shit fight will happen :D

 

Soo... Who is in? Im thinking a couple of girls per person to 'tune'.

 

I cant believe I want to do this, its sooo mean yet so funny!

 

HAHAHAHA!!!... sadistic f**k!!!LOL

 

do it, and some one video it, for me to watch... i love drama...

haha, dont worry, i plan on filming it, hopefully we can get a few cameras to capture the action :D

 

Ive got to have a 'business' meeting with Kali, preferably over MSN so we can choose the unsuspecting male victim. Will keep you all chooned :P

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Dan, you are the MAN of idea's, and that idea is a keeper !! I'd def be keen for such an event :bringiton:

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WHo is Kemp? Find him. Who has a fat chick fettish?

 

i wanna make some thing clear

 

I do not have a fat chick fettish

i had a fat chick on my things to do list

 

both are 2 different things!!!

 

i didnt do it for enjoyment i done it for some thing different

 

and now thats its out of my system i wont be doing it ever again

 

 

lol that was the funniest story i ever heard LOL

 

sure kemp its really out of ur system ;)^_^

 

 

but seriously guys we all have to do the fatty at some point in our lives, :rolleyes:

 

like back when i was in hi school i had this blind date with this chick from msn, saw her pic and wasnt too bad, so we met up and were going to a movie,

 

i thought to my self i only saw a pic of her face and not her bod so i sat way from our meet up point, she rang me but i luckly had my phone on silent, so i didnt answer and of course she turned out to be a chunky monkey.

 

she rang me again and i thought to my self f**k it! why did i do it?:doh:

 

and smashed her in the cinema

 

it was a low but it was on my to do list :P:lol:

 

 

1.f**k viet chick

2. f**k fat chick

3. f**k chick in cinema

 

 

LOL

3 birds with one stone!!! hAHaHaHhahahAhAH u even out do me

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^^ he hasnt done a chick while she is eating dessert kemp i call it even 3 each ahahaha

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WHo is Kemp? Find him. Who has a fat chick fettish?

 

i wanna make some thing clear

 

I do not have a fat chick fettish

i had a fat chick on my things to do list

 

both are 2 different things!!!

 

i didnt do it for enjoyment i done it for some thing different

 

and now thats its out of my system i wont be doing it ever again

 

 

lol that was the funniest story i ever heard LOL

 

sure kemp its really out of ur system ;)^_^

 

 

but seriously guys we all have to do the fatty at some point in our lives, :rolleyes:

 

like back when i was in hi school i had this blind date with this chick from msn, saw her pic and wasnt too bad, so we met up and were going to a movie,

 

i thought to my self i only saw a pic of her face and not her bod so i sat way from our meet up point, she rang me but i luckly had my phone on silent, so i didnt answer and of course she turned out to be a chunky monkey.

 

she rang me again and i thought to my self f**k it! why did i do it?:doh:

 

and smashed her in the cinema

 

it was a low but it was on my to do list :P:lol:

 

 

1.f**k viet chick

2. f**k fat chick

3. f**k chick in cinema

 

 

LOL

3 birds with one stone!!! hAHaHaHhahahAhAH u even out do me

 

LOL

 

Like you said Kemp you have to try all kinds, why not all at once, get it out of the way with one hit

:lol:

 

^^ he hasnt done a chick while she is eating dessert kemp i call it even 3 each ahahaha

 

lol but could you imagine,

 

 

(pulls out cake from under cinema seat)

Me: wat the f**k???

her: it was under the seat

me: how did you know it was there???

her: i put it there the other day

 

:wacko:

 

 

to do list:

4. f**K chick while she eats cake

5. spit on chicks ass

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WHo is Kemp? Find him. Who has a fat chick fettish?

 

i wanna make some thing clear

 

I do not have a fat chick fettish

i had a fat chick on my things to do list

 

both are 2 different things!!!

 

i didnt do it for enjoyment i done it for some thing different

 

and now thats its out of my system i wont be doing it ever again

 

 

lol that was the funniest story i ever heard LOL

 

sure kemp its really out of ur system ;)^_^

 

 

but seriously guys we all have to do the fatty at some point in our lives, :rolleyes:

 

like back when i was in hi school i had this blind date with this chick from msn, saw her pic and wasnt too bad, so we met up and were going to a movie,

 

i thought to my self i only saw a pic of her face and not her bod so i sat way from our meet up point, she rang me but i luckly had my phone on silent, so i didnt answer and of course she turned out to be a chunky monkey.

 

she rang me again and i thought to my self f**k it! why did i do it?:doh:

 

and smashed her in the cinema

 

it was a low but it was on my to do list :P:lol:

 

 

1.f**k viet chick

2. f**k fat chick

3. f**k chick in cinema

 

 

LOL

3 birds with one stone!!! hAHaHaHhahahAhAH u even out do me

 

LOL

 

Like you said Kemp you have to try all kinds, why not all at once, get it out of the way with one hit

:lol:

 

^^ he hasnt done a chick while she is eating dessert kemp i call it even 3 each ahahaha

 

lol but could you imagine,

 

 

(pulls out cake from under cinema seat)

Me: wat the f**k???

her: it was under the seat

me: how did you know it was there???

her: i put it there the other day

 

:wacko:

 

 

to do list:

4. f**K chick while she eats cake

5. spit on chicks ass

 

hahaha beware the girl who take you to a cake shop when your heading back to her house

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id belive it after kemps story.... he has opened my eyes to what really happens when big girls make love ahahahah

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id belive it after kemps story.... he has opened my eyes to what really happens when big girls make love ahahahah

 

hahaha

 

 

just a kind word of advise for those that find themselves in any situation with a fat chick makes sure of the following:

  1. make sure there is plenty of room for the both of you (a cinema is a bit too tight)
  2. make sure you have scoped out the exits
  3. makes sure any exits arent locked and are clear i.e. the window isnt locked lol kemp am i right :rolleyes:

:lol:

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id belive it after kemps story.... he has opened my eyes to what really happens when big girls make love ahahahah

 

hahaha

 

 

just a kind word of advise for those that find themselves in any situation with a fat chick makes sure of the following:

  1. make sure there is plenty of room for the both of you (a cinema is a bit too tight)
  2. make sure you have scoped out the exits
  3. makes sure any exits arent locked and are clear i.e. the window isnt locked lol kemp am i right :rolleyes:

:lol:

 

hahahaha even if u scope out the exits they wont do you any good if you cant get to them i e blocked in by big mamma

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haha that plan is awesome.

 

you have another adelaidean here for help if need be!

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id belive it after kemps story.... he has opened my eyes to what really happens when big girls make love ahahahah

 

hahaha

 

 

just a kind word of advise for those that find themselves in any situation with a fat chick makes sure of the following:

  1. make sure there is plenty of room for the both of you (a cinema is a bit too tight)
  2. make sure you have scoped out the exits
  3. makes sure any exits arent locked and are clear i.e. the window isnt locked lol kemp am i right :rolleyes:

:lol:

 

hahahaha even if u scope out the exits they wont do you any good if you cant get to them i e blocked in by big mamma

 

haha shouldnt back your self into a corner in the first place :yes::lol:

 

i forgot to mention

 

4. keep spare cake around for misdirection (buys you enough time to escape)

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Ok, i've got a small long story.

 

A few years ago i caught my then fiancee cheating on me, twice, in our bed in the space of 7days. So we had a pretty bad break-up which i'm ashamed to say affected pretty badly psychologically. Because of that, i stayed single for nearly 2 years and in that period i not once had any sort of relationship. I just kept palming off women when i went out as i just was not interested in doing anything (not even sex). Friends even started to think i was gay :lol:

 

Anyways, after 2 years i was of course a randy mother f**ker. So i decided to take things one step at a time and signed up to a few dating websites just to chat.

 

I got talking to this chick online who seemed pretty nice and she showed me some pics and she looked alright too. I even got her on webcam and she looked pretty good there too.

Anyways, for ages she was nagging me to meet up with her. I put it off for months because i really wasn't interested in meeting someone who i met online. After talking to a few mates, they said 'yeh, just go for it, you've got nothing to loose'.

 

After a lot of thinking, i eventually said yes and arranged to meet up at 'her' house. I got there, and just standing in front of the door it smelt pretty bad but i couldn't quite pick what it was so i just thought it was some smelly (dead) plants that where there.

 

So i knock and her MUM answers the door! I thought it was the chicks house. The mum calls the chick to come to the door and this fat ugly little mole comes to the door. I just ignored this chick as i was let in and just kept looking over her shoulder looking for the chick i saw on the webcam.

Obviously and embarrassingly, it turned out to be that this fat little mole was in fact the one i saw on webcam :o But i thought, what the hell, i'm here now, i can tick off a Fat chick from my list. Remember, i was celebant for nearly 2 years!

 

After making that decision i walked further into the house and i started to realize what that awful smell was i smelt outside. It was that stale cigarettes smoke smell! I look over and see her mum on the couch with about 5 full ash trays of cigarettes and chain smoking away. I seriously couldn't breathe so i said to the chick "Lets just go to your room". But that was no better, she TOO was a chain smoker and her room was even worse. It had that stale smoke smell along with shitloads of that shit perfume smell. I was gasping and felt like i was going green.

Right after we got into the room, she excuses herself and goes to the bathroom. In that time i quickly messaged a friend of mine asking for help. The chick comes back and starts trying to hook up with me, and i just dance around the room pretending i'm looking at her things. She eventually cornered me and puts her arms around me, i almost died but at that second, i get a call from my friend. She (my friend) makes out that she's been in a big car accident and needs some support etc etc. So i act surprised and worried and literally run out her door and out of the house yelling behind me "I'm sorry, my friends just had a bad accident". Before she could even reply i was in my car speeding down the road.

 

 

 

Later on that night i get heaps of calls and messages making sure that i'm ok and that my friend is ok :lol:

After about a week of her messages and calls, i finally answer one call and just told her the truth as to why i left. To which she replies that "I can change, i'll quit smoking, i'll clean my room". Which i cruely replied with "look, unfortunately thats not going to help, you're just too damn fat and ugly" and hung up.

 

It took me another 6months to get over that.

So yeah, that's my contribution.

 

 

Edit: Farrrrk, i must be bored. I can't believe i wrote the extremely long version of the story. It's not even a very good story :lol: Sorry.

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so that was YOU who walked in on me and that random I picked up twice?

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BTW would it be rude of me to ask how you thought my performance was?

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Ok, i've got a small long story.

 

She eventually cornered me and puts her arms around me, i almost died but at that second, i get a call from my friend. She (my friend) makes out that she's been in a big car accident and needs some support etc etc. So i act surprised and worried and literally run out her door and out of the house yelling behind me "I'm sorry, my friends just had a bad accident". Before she could even reply i was in my car speeding down the road.

 

See SLY-18E he was planed ahead and scoped it out and still got out faster than a speeding bullet even though she cornered him

 

 

lol Flying180 man i hate that chain smoker cigarette smell i take my hat off to you for being able to walk in there

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gooch, i have no idea about your performance, but how's your head doing? Still got that scar above your eyebrow?

 

Ok, i've got a small long story.

 

She eventually cornered me and puts her arms around me, i almost died but at that second, i get a call from my friend. She (my friend) makes out that she's been in a big car accident and needs some support etc etc. So i act surprised and worried and literally run out her door and out of the house yelling behind me "I'm sorry, my friends just had a bad accident". Before she could even reply i was in my car speeding down the road.

 

See SLY-18E he was planed ahead and scoped it out and still got out faster than a speeding bullet even though she cornered him

 

 

lol Flying180 man i hate that chain smoker cigarette smell i take my hat off to you for being able to walk in there

 

dude, i didn't walk, i ran :lol:

 

I too can't stand that smell. It's a pet hate of mine, even more so now.

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Ok, i've got a small long story.

 

She eventually cornered me and puts her arms around me, i almost died but at that second, i get a call from my friend. She (my friend) makes out that she's been in a big car accident and needs some support etc etc. So i act surprised and worried and literally run out her door and out of the house yelling behind me "I'm sorry, my friends just had a bad accident". Before she could even reply i was in my car speeding down the road.

 

See SLY-18E he was planed ahead and scoped it out and still got out faster than a speeding bullet even though she cornered him

 

 

lol Flying180 man i hate that chain smoker cigarette smell i take my hat off to you for being able to walk in there

 

 

well he has more balls than me.... i would have jus freaked out and punched the bitch at the doorstep then run ahahahaha

 

(for any girls out there i want to make it clear i dont hit women....she sounded more like a man anyway)

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Never been on a blind date. I couldn't think of anything worse.

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hmmm... i dont ahve a fat fetish... but my first ex was chubby, and my 2nd ex was chubbier... i seem to meet these REALLY NICE girls, BUT always in the PLUS sizes.

 

am i doing something wrong?

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lol you didnt learn the first time is about the only thing you did wrong id say

 

jus kidding dude lol im sure they where nice chicks

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hmmm... i dont ahve a fat fetish... but my first ex was chubby, and my 2nd ex was chubbier... i seem to meet these REALLY NICE girls, BUT always in the PLUS sizes.

 

am i doing something wrong?

 

 

if the fat ones arent nice, they have nothin goin for em....;)

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