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Chappy

Your craziest sexy tiemz story

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Now if this was the craziest time.. then I'd have some stories..

 

Start the thread then

 

aumCO.gif

 

 

I banged my GF behind a crowded bus stop once, nobody noticed because she was wearing a skirt.

That's all i got.

Edited by Chappy

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Okay here is one.

 

This one occurred after a 3 month drought. I was getting loose at the moose for one of my best mates 19th, we booked 3 hotel rooms and all, mad r Kelly style hotel party. At about midnight we migrate into town to find bishes.

 

no longer than half an hour in said night club some freaky bitch grabs me by my third leg and starts grinding profusely on it. My signal receptors were a little foggy due to the massive gash drought of months yore but it still only took me about 5 minutes to realise this chick is f**king down to get the discs between her lumbars herniated.

 

So without uttering a word I just flashed the room card I had and about 8 minutes later shit was on. We start our semi naked judo sparring in the lift, and slowly made our way to one of the rooms I had booked. All of this so far was achieved with little to no conversation whatsoever. Anyhow I proceeded to chop gash and the first question I uttered was literally 'do you want this in your asshole?' She happily obliged. So after about 45 minutes and half a pack of four seasons kingsize of f**king in multiple positions I use half a tube of lube and take the dirt road. Twas ridiculously tight and the benefits of KY wore too thin. So after 5 more minutes of f**king stink I pull out and she begins to suck the shit off my shaft and balls after which I bust all over her face and chest. Give her some time to wash up and send her off on her way.

 

Afterwards I sat down next to friend opened a beer sighed for about 10 seconds sparked a J and proceeded to regale him in the events that transpired. The album Fishscale by GFK was on repeat in the background. In a reflective tone my mate and I concluded that was some nasty shit that just transpired.

 

Hope that wasn't too long a story or anything.

Edited by spongeboy

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A brief summary. I pulled an ATM on a chick without even giving out my name.. didn't have to pay for it either. ..

Edited by spongeboy

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I was expecting some thing funny but it never turned up

Disappointed

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In a reflective tone my mate and I concluded that was some nasty shit that just transpired.

 

I love the post root reflection session :lol:

 

I was expecting some thing funny but it never turned up

Disappointed

 

I don't think you can do better.

 

Prove me wrong.

Edited by Chappy

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I was expecting some thing funny but it never turned up

Disappointed

 

Wasn't really trying to be funny, just telling the story as it happened. The thread title was craziest sex tiemz not funniest.

 

In fact those moments after were more cathartic than anything really got me thinking about life and settling down a little.

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I love the post root reflection session :lol:

 

 

Hehe yea after I spilled the deets we sat there for about 30 minutes without uttering a word, we just stared at the beers we were holding. Then toby looks up at me fron the the other couch and says, 'RREeeeeaaaaaaa! Thats f**king heavy shit man'

 

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Once had a one nighter with some absolute bitch after a massive bender (CBF explaining back story).

Anyhow I glued her eyelids/lashes together with sperm as I exited the next morning while she slept, not sure how that turned out, never heard from her again.

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went on date with a chick from work - dinner - movie then went to a park round the corner and banged her on a park bench meanwhile people were walking through the park to an apartment complex...

 

another time in the disabled toilet at work a cleaner walked in - i didnt realise the door didnt lock

 

also banged her on the bonnet of another chick i was seeing car... its ok it was a magna...

 

ummm done 2 girls from a place called wangeratta or some crap anyway met them on facey then they paid for me to fly down n bang them both... that was pretty fun actually.

 

 

thats all i got for now

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banged the ex GF at my old work on my bosses desk after hours when i was doing overtime.

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Some of this might get a laugh, or that parent-like reaction of disappointment and dismay.

 

with the same chick:

Busted by her mum when I was tied naked & blindfolded on her bed

busted by the neighbours shagging in their pool when we thought they weren't home

busted by her parents on the kitchen bench

busted by her brother in his mini moke in the middle of the street. He thought people were trying to steal it...

park bench in a graveyard (best place to get free flowers too)

hooked up with her a couple of years after we split up & thought I caught the clap from her. Turns out it was just a UTI and i'd contracted a naturally occuring enzyme chicks get called gardinerella vaginalis (or something like that). That part of the story gets better as I had to go to medical and get checked out as I was pissing razors. I was the first patient of the new nurse on base and she had to give me a scrape test. She was cute & fit too, but I swear you could be hung like a rogue elephant and your junk will still try to retract into your body when somebody tries to stick a cotton bud up your jap's eye.

 

Hooked up with the best friend of one of my old workmates. My friend made me swear that I not do any messed up shit to her best friend. To prove what a good friend she was, my work mate picked up a random dude so we could go back to his place as she didn't want me taking her friend back to base. On the way home I threw all of that dude's cds out the window because it was all queer music like Usher. He said we could use his sister's room and to just tidy up after ourselves. We left used dingers everwhere, broke the lampshade, collapsed in the sliding cupboard door as I was standing up with her legs around my waist, pushed her into the cupboard and the damn thing collapsed making a hell of a noise. I left her there laughing hysterically, went to get some ice from the freezer and got sprung by workmate walking back starkers with a hard on and cup full of ice. She hissed at me "you promised no messed up shit, that dude thinks I'm a decoy whilst you two rob the place. Calm down!"

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On the way home I threw all of that dude's cds out the window because it was all queer music like Usher

 

Oh my sides.

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On the way home I threw all of that dude's cds out the window because it was all queer music like Usher

 

Oh my sides.

 

Yeah I was kind of drunk. That dude must've hated me after that night.

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I was expecting some thing funny but it never turned up

Disappointed

 

I don't think you can do better.

 

Prove me wrong.

 

Mate I've made some of The funniest off topic threads in history so shut your hole

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Some of this might get a laugh, or that parent-like reaction of disappointment and dismay.

 

with the same chick:

Busted by her mum when I was tied naked & blindfolded on her bed

busted by the neighbours shagging in their pool when we thought they weren't home

busted by her parents on the kitchen bench

busted by her brother in his mini moke in the middle of the street. He thought people were trying to steal it...

park bench in a graveyard (best place to get free flowers too)

hooked up with her a couple of years after we split up & thought I caught the clap from her. Turns out it was just a UTI and i'd contracted a naturally occuring enzyme chicks get called gardinerella vaginalis (or something like that). That part of the story gets better as I had to go to medical and get checked out as I was pissing razors. I was the first patient of the new nurse on base and she had to give me a scrape test. She was cute & fit too, but I swear you could be hung like a rogue elephant and your junk will still try to retract into your body when somebody tries to stick a cotton bud up your jap's eye.

 

Hooked up with the best friend of one of my old workmates. My friend made me swear that I not do any messed up shit to her best friend. To prove what a good friend she was, my work mate picked up a random dude so we could go back to his place as she didn't want me taking her friend back to base. On the way home I threw all of that dude's cds out the window because it was all queer music like Usher. He said we could use his sister's room and to just tidy up after ourselves. We left used dingers everwhere, broke the lampshade, collapsed in the sliding cupboard door as I was standing up with her legs around my waist, pushed her into the cupboard and the damn thing collapsed making a hell of a noise. I left her there laughing hysterically, went to get some ice from the freezer and got sprung by workmate walking back starkers with a hard on and cup full of ice. She hissed at me "you promised no messed up shit, that dude thinks I'm a decoy whilst you two rob the place. Calm down!"

 

LOL NOW THIS IS WHAT IM AFTER

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i fingered i chick in a bus stop once...

 

Thats the best ive got :lol:

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Errrrr..

 

-Use to bang my housemates best mate; She'd come get me from work if I was working in the area, Take me to the park, Do our thing, Drop me back to work.

 

-Scored girls number, Had a drink with her in the city one saturday after work, In the middle of a crowded pub started finger banging her, She led me to the dirt rd, I finger banged dirt rd while pub is still crowded, Drove her home and f**ked the dirt road right and royal.

 

-Scored girls number from work, Had a drink with her on the weekend, Started getting frisky, Couldn't bang in carpark of Crown, Took her to the back of my work and f**ked her in the work car(don't work there anymore)

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Errrrr..

 

-Use to bang my housemates best mate; She'd come get me from work if I was working in the area, Take me to the park, Do our thing, Drop me back to work.

 

-Scored girls number, Had a drink with her in the city one saturday after work, In the middle of a crowded pub started finger banging her, She led me to the dirt rd, I finger banged dirt rd while pub is still crowded, Drove her home and f**ked the dirt road right and royal.

 

-Scored girls number from work, Had a drink with her on the weekend, Started getting frisky, Couldn't bang in carpark of Crown, Took her to the back of my work and f**ked her in the work car(don't work there anymore)

 

Theres still a better story :lol:

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HOLY f**k.

 

I have to tell that one don't I.

 

(You toss pot, You know I'm trying to forget that one!)

 

 

 

Just recent, Met up with a chick I scored digits off. Met up on Lygon street for a "drink" and thats all I thought it was. Started smashing down Cider as it was a mild night. A bit flirty but nothing much. Went and got something to eat, Had more drinks. Went for a "walk" and things got frisky. Literally 2 min walk away is Carlton Gardens. So we headed there; Things got more frisky, Hands started wandering and before you knew it, I was knuckle deep in this bitch. We stopped and just continued to walk normally until God heard my silent prayer; THERE WAS A PLAYGROUND. 10pm, Thursday night, No one around, We went on the "play ground".

 

Started on the high part of it, With steel grates that came up to my shoulders. Shes on her knee's sucking me off, I can clearly see someone looking directly at me wondering what I'm doing, So I jump down. She stands up to look and shes giggling, She has no pants on, I start doing my thing until she gets too loud. Apparently some *milkshake* came for a closer look so shes jumped down to. Anyway, Underneath where we are standing theres a little "hidey hole". Its like a gap of 400mm x 1000mm and leads into a small area the size of an airplane cubile but half as tall; She jumps on me Cowgirl and starts riding me. We are completely closed off from the world and she starts to tense up and she finishes..........

 

I feel a trickle of some type of liquid hit my face. "Wtf was that" I think but get back to it. Then all of a sudden, Its literally like a showerhead of warm water gushing over your lower half, It just saturates me hips down (INCLUDING my fuggen jeans). She moans loudly and it just keeps coming, Literally!

 

Turns out the mole's a squirter. And she precummed on my noggin' and then all over my lower half.

 

Moral of the story?

ALWAYS bring a spare pair of jeans. I drove home for 45 mins from the city, Smelling like piss.

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Haha, well played... lol.

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When I was 17, banged my ex-gf in the afternoon on a public oval with people walking around. That's how she lost her virginity :lol: Some old woman was walking her dog past us and my ex just slowed her rhythm while we smiled and waved.

Gotten a BJ on the dancefloor at a music festival.

f**ked and got BJs in too many public places to list.

 

Can't get over how many times you've been busted though A31Cefiro :lol: I've been busted quite a few times, but never in such dire circumstances. But if it's in a public place I expect to get caught.

Edited by Shark

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Hooked up with the best friend of one of my old workmates. My friend made me swear that I not do any messed up shit to her best friend. To prove what a good friend she was, my work mate picked up a random dude so we could go back to his place as she didn't want me taking her friend back to base. On the way home I threw all of that dude's cds out the window because it was all queer music like Usher. He said we could use his sister's room and to just tidy up after ourselves. We left used dingers everwhere, broke the lampshade, collapsed in the sliding cupboard door as I was standing up with her legs around my waist, pushed her into the cupboard and the damn thing collapsed making a hell of a noise. I left her there laughing hysterically, went to get some ice from the freezer and got sprung by workmate walking back starkers with a hard on and cup full of ice. She hissed at me "you promised no messed up shit, that dude thinks I'm a decoy whilst you two rob the place. Calm down!"
hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

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I was touched by a priest whilst Judas watched. I felt ashamed and aroused at the same time, It was so conflicting.

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The most epic story is posted in a epic thread on a epic forum. So if your not part of the cool kids, you miss out.. :P :P :P :P :P

 

Fun times were had....... the memories forever immortalized on the internet

Edited by JIGAFKNBOO

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I was expecting some thing funny but it never turned up

Disappointed

 

I don't think you can do better.

 

Prove me wrong.

 

Mate I've made some of The funniest off topic threads in history so shut your hole

 

My quote...still brings lulz

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Off the top of my head;

 

I banged one of mums freinds (lol shes 35) in a horse stable with horses who like to watch

 

Went clubbing when i was 17 i think? (I had a a fake id when i was a teen) picked up a girl after a major cockblocking session by people I used to waste time with. Left the clubs and headed for the all girls school which we f**ked for ages and she almost sucked my dick off (up there with the best bjs shit was unreal). Went back to my mates place (one of the cockblockers) and passed out.

Woke up the next day to have my mate going on about how he stole this girl off me... I let him go on while I waited for everyone to wake up before I mentioned the prelude to his story. Lol he still doesnt really believe me.

 

I may as well just say it was me but honestly this happend to my mates younger brother. He and his best mate picked up some girl on the note that she was going to get both the boys. Anyway long story short they go back her place she sits on one of them while the other was lubing her ass. Apparently his mate only lasted seconds in there as there was outbound traffic..... My mates bro got the worst of it as she was sitting on him. As the story goes the boys freaked for obvious reasons and literally used anything within reach to clean themselves up as they were getting dressed and bailed leaving the mum to help clean up the mess.....

 

 

You know how I know your daughters a slut? LMFAOOOO

 

Edit:

 

I managed to bang a bird INSIDE an s13 Silvia. It helps when you have all the seats down and both parties are size intolerant lol.

Edited by booostin

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I banged inside my 180 many times.

Doggy style on the back seat with the front seats leaned forward or missionary on the front passenger seat with it laid back.

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I banged inside my 180 many times.

Doggy style on the back seat with the front seats leaned forward or missionary on the front passenger seat with it laid back.

 

both of these work a treat in the 180

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